If you’re recently separated and figuring out how to share parenting responsibilities, you might be wondering if there’s a way to do it without getting the courts involved.
The good news is, yes, you can work out a Parenting Plan privately with the other parent. A Parenting Plan is a written agreement that sets out practical arrangements for children after separation.
It’s designed to help both of you stay focused on your child’s needs and reduce misunderstandings. This guide walks you through how to draft a Parenting Plan without going to court, step by step.
What Is a Parenting Plan?
A Parenting Plan is a written agreement between parents that outlines how you will care for your children after separation.
It covers day-to-day care, where your child lives, who they spend time with, and how decisions are made about their upbringing.
It can also include practical details like school drop-offs, special occasions, and communication methods.
This agreement is not legally enforceable, but if both parties follow it, it can provide a stable foundation for co-parenting. You can later formalise it into Consent Orders if you want it to have legal effect.
Key takeaway: A Parenting Plan helps you and the other parent agree on child-related matters without needing court intervention, keeping the focus on your child’s well-being.
What Should You Include in a Parenting Plan?
When creating a Parenting Plan, it’s important to make it detailed and clear. While every family is different, your agreement should generally cover:
- Living arrangements and time spent with each parent
- How you’ll make major decisions (e.g., education, health)
- Communication between parents and with the child
- Arrangements for birthdays, holidays, and special events
- Procedures for resolving disagreements or changing the plan
- Any other matters relevant to your child’s upbringing
Try to write in plain language and be as specific as possible to avoid future confusion. Flexibility is also important — as your child grows, their needs may change.
Key takeaway: Cover key parenting issues clearly in your plan and be ready to adjust it over time.
How to Start the Conversation With the Other Parent
Talking to your ex-partner about parenting can be difficult, especially if emotions are still raw. Start by setting a calm tone — you’re both there for the same reason: to support your child. Consider meeting in a neutral space or using a mediator if things are tense.
Focus on your child’s needs, not past issues. It can help to come prepared with a list of topics to cover and be open to compromise.
Key takeaway: Keep the focus on your child and try to approach discussions with a problem-solving mindset.
Using Mediation to Help You Agree
If you’re struggling to reach an agreement on your own, mediation can be a helpful next step. Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) services can guide you through difficult conversations and help you reach a mutual agreement.
A mediator is a neutral third party who won’t take sides but will ensure the discussion stays productive and respectful.
FDR is often more affordable and quicker than going to court, and anything you say during sessions is generally confidential. If you reach an agreement, you can write it up into a Parenting Plan at the end of the process.
Key takeaway: Mediation offers a supported environment to help you and the other parent agree on parenting arrangements.
Putting the Parenting Plan in Writing
Once you and the other parent agree on the arrangements, it’s time to put everything in writing.
There’s no strict legal format, but it should be signed and dated by both parents. You can write it yourselves or get help from a lawyer or community legal centre to make sure it’s clear and workable.
The plan should be easy to understand and avoid legal jargon. Keep a copy for yourself and share one with the other parent.
You can also update the plan as your circumstances change — just make sure both parties agree to the changes.
Key takeaway: A written Parenting Plan provides a shared reference that supports co-parenting and can be updated as needed.
When to Consider Turning a Parenting Plan Into Consent Orders
If you want your Parenting Plan to be legally enforceable, you can apply to the Family Court to turn it into Consent Orders.
This is a formal process where the court reviews your agreement and, if satisfied, makes it into a legally binding order.
You don’t need to go to a hearing — most of the process is handled on paper. Keep in mind that once a Parenting Plan becomes a court order, you must follow it or risk legal consequences.
Key takeaway: Consent Orders give your Parenting Plan legal weight if you feel that extra security is needed.
Drafting a Parenting Plan without going to court can give you and your family more control, less stress, and a better co-parenting relationship moving forward.
It requires cooperation, clear communication, and a shared commitment to doing what’s best for your child. Whether you do it privately or with the help of a mediator, the time you invest in getting it right now can lead to a smoother path ahead.
Director of Melbourne Family Lawyers, Hayder manages the practice and oversees the running of all of the files in the practice. Hayder has an astute eye for case strategy and running particularly complex matters in the family law system.
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